Results Day

Its been 17 weeks since I went for my first ever mamogram, 14 weeks since I first attended Breast Care at UHNS, 12 weeks and 2 days since diagnosis, 4 weeks and 1 day since surgery, and 2 weeks and a day since I blogged – it all seems a lot longer.

There has been physical pain and discomfort, numerous mammograms, biopsies, needles where you dont want them, blood tests, surgery (obviously), magseeds inserted, radioactive fluid inserted, physio exercises and healing of wounds. I have spent the last 4 weeks feeling sore, I feel now that I’ve reached a stage of tender.

By far the worst thing has been the mental torture. Most of the last 14 weeks has been about the waiting for results and the ardous 45 minutes it takes from home to be sat in the waiting room and then the inevitable extra 10 minutes because my consultant is running late. I hate a lack of punctuality, I’ve always felt there’s little excuse for lateness, but during our consultations, Mr N, has never given me the impression he is in a rush, there is always the time you need and if he’s running late because someone else has needed an extra 5 minutes then so be it. Then there is the weeks of waiting for each set of results, knowing that each could and has on occasion presented bad news,

And yesterday finally brought my post surgery results. Yesterday was about margins and lymph node biopsies. My 11mm lump was to be removed with a 1cm margin. They expect the 1cm to contain some cancerous cells, however if those cells are within 1-2mm of the outer edge then further surgery woud be required to take a wider margin. Mr N did find a 2nd cluster close to the first so removed 18mm + a margin. The lymph node indicates whether or not the cancer has started to spread. Thankfully both my margin and my lymph nodes are clear.

I’ve come to learn that the NHS manage the information they give, it’s drip fed, every result, every meeting reveals a little more information you don’t quite get told at the start and it easier to absorb and deal with this way. I was advised at diagnosis that chemo would be unlikely. Yesterday I learned that my sample is now winging its way to America for genomic testing. This is not to see if my cancer is hereditary – there is no history in my family, but is about how my cancer grows and its liklihood of a reoccurance. So yesterday I was told that the results, combined with whether or not I am post menapuasal (which is still up for debate – blood test taken) will determine whether or not they will recommend chemotherapy and how much radiotherapy I will get. For this I need to wait until January and will be transferred to onecology.

It felt odd saying goodbye to Mr N. A man who I have only ever seen his eyes over his mask, yet every time I meet him, cops a fondle. A man who’s job it is to be the bearer of bad news, but someone who has potentially saved my life. A man who I have only met 4 times but I placed all my faith in because I had to and now I move on without him.

But for now, I am just going to enjoy the relief that no further surgery is required and give myself a few days to get over this blasted cold I’ve picked up and focus on getting back the use of my left arm following my Moderna Covid Booster. Then I’m going to enjoy Christmas.

Carolyn Trafford is a Creative Life Coach, supporting others in reaching their own goals in a creative way sine 2010. Author of “Don’t Just Dream It – Achieve It!” (A great way to kickstart those goals). This interactive book is available from her online shop:  https://carolyntraffordart.ecwid.com/Dont-Just-Dream-It-Achieve-It-Book-p196854491) . She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 20th September 2021 following her first routine screening with the NHS at 51.