Because You Can’t Beat A Custard Cream

Hot chocolate, dash of Baileys and a custard cream or 3. Why? Because it’s Christmas Eve (8th January) and you can’t beat a custard cream.

Back in December I talked about Covid vaccines and colds. I suspect now I actually had Omnicron. I’d put it all down as a cold, but Brett had it too and unlike me he tested positive. Our symptoms were the same, although mine were milder and I started first, having been out on a works do, so it seems its all my fault.

Isolation, that magic 10th day was Christmas day. Free to mix on Boxing Day at least. We had all those thoughts about would he really be infectious and then Boris changed the rules to days 6 & 7. Still, we have elderly parents to consider and both Christmas day and boxing day plans were cancelled. Christmas day because everyone had already made alternative plans 3 days earlier and Boxing day because the government have created so much confusion changing rules constantly that no one feels completely safe any more.

It crushed me. I sobbed more about this than at any other point on this journey. From that very first time when we sat down with my consultant, we knew there would be a lull between surgery/recovery and seeing Oncology for further treatment. I adore Christmas too. The anticipation of the day, the decorations, the presents under the tree, indulgently baking, feeling loved… Christmas and our New Year Break with friends was what had kept me going since September. Our Cornwall friends had insisted we visit them as soon as we broke the news to them and it seemed just what I needed.

I’m not sure if I cried because Christmas day got postponed or whether it was just that I had spent 3 months of “being strong”, and facing my demons. 3 months of holding back emotions because if I cried Cancer had won. I know its not a weakness to cry, but I just haven’t been able to and the postponement of Christmas was like the tiny pin that makes the loud bang when a highly pressure filled balloon bursts.

Christmas day turned out to be a very relaxed affair. It was nice, just the two of us plus Ziggy and Marley (dogs) of course. No rushing around getting the dogs walked in the dark, dashing to one parent and then over to the others, often leaving our own presents until the evening when we finally crash into a heap. The one thing I missed was the actual chaos of Christmas lunch. Dad trying to clear plates before you’ve quite finished so he can keep on top of the washing up. My brother-in-law stealing the chocolates out of the Christmas Crackers.

Cornwall has been lovely. Not as easy as normal as we are both carrying post covid symptoms and walking up a coastal path felt like cimbing a mountain. But I fell into a rockpool and remembered how to laugh again. I was at the time being chased up the beach by a wave and trying to keep my feet dry. I ended up 3/4 deep on one side and with my other foot stuck in that soft sinky sand, my only free arm still clutching my camera and holding it up so as not to kill it. My mobile phone in my breast pocket was only just above the water line. It didn’t even feel cold. And when the best course of action is to take off your boots and socks and rinse them out in a rockpool to clean them out you know you’re very wet.

Otherwise it was just lovely to kick back, watch the sea, have lazy cafe brunches and catch up with TV with our friends in the evening and now I’m looking forward to a Christmas Eve Tea with Brett’s Mum and Christmas Day tomorrow with my family. Back to work on Monday and we go to see Oncology on Tuesday. This is an important step, as at the moment I can’t plan holidays, weekends, or even evenings – I simply don’t know what’s ahead.

Carolyn Trafford is a Creative Life Coach, supporting others in reaching their own goals in a creative way sine 2010. Author of “Don’t Just Dream It – Achieve It!” (A great way to kickstart those goals). This interactive book is available from her online shop:  https://carolyntraffordart.ecwid.com/Dont-Just-Dream-It-Achieve-It-Book-p196854491) . She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 20th September 2021 following her first routine screening with the NHS at 51.