I’m conscious my previous post was a little negative, I make no apology – it is what it is – but it feels important to acknowledge the lows, and move on. I’m praised regularly for my positivity, but if you’re reading this because you’re going through something similar then you need to know its also OK to throw a tantrum now and then. What you’re going through could quite fairly be classified as hell.
Family and friends have been amazing, I’ve lost count of the kind words on facebook, the offers of support and the caring texts I’ve had and they mean the world to me, however there’s one thing that they can’t ever help with and that’s the deep feeling in your gut. The one that you should never ever ignore completely. Its voice is loud. The cards, chocolate and flowers that arrive make it go away a little, they bring short term happiness and help you get through the early days, but its only through listening to your inner self and dealing with it that enables you to find your core of strength to conquer it. So acknowledge that its there. Scream and shout if that helps and if you can talk about it to someone then do, your nearest and dearest, a journal or blog, or through a support group. Macmillan offer a buddy service.
Anyway, Tuesday was surgery day and I surprised myself as I was not nervous. I had the usual anxiety about getting to the hospital on time, making sure I’d everything for an overnight stay if needed but otherwise I felt calm and relaxed as I said goodbye to Brett in the corridor.
I was also amazed at how well I felt when I woke up in recovery, I was soon back on the ward and walking. I’d had nothing to drink since around 10.15 and it was now 6pm having gone down to the theatre just after 2pm. Within moments of each drink of water it was like someone had vacuumed my mouth out and it took me an agonizing 3 hours to pee, a requirement of being released and I just wanted to go home. But I got there.
Two days later and I’ve been out for a ten minute walk. My armpit is extremely sore still (this i think is where they’re taken the lymph nodes from) but I’m barely aware of anything other than a little tenderness around my nipple area. The cocktail of painkillers are of course helping but are making me a little drowsy. Be aware of anyone saying they were back at work and driving the next day, this seems fool hardy to me and I’ve promised myself a full week off work.
Talking to my Macmillan buddy today, she brought it home to me that taking some time off is as important for my mental health as my physical well-being. I’d been having thoughts of guilt about whether I should get back to work as soon as I’m able to physically able, but she’s right, having time and space to heal is needed right now, after all I’ve had 8 weeks of stress and worry.
Carolyn Trafford is a Creative Life Coach, supporting others in reaching their own goals in a creative way sine 2010. Author of “Don’t Just Dream It – Achieve It!” (A great way to kickstart those goals). This interactive book is available from her online shop: https://carolyntraffordart.ecwid.com/Dont-Just-Dream-It-Achieve-It-Book-p196854491) . She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 20th September 2021 following her first routine screening with the NHS at 51.
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