Fear can manifest itself in strange unexpected ways. I know many brave people. Some face terminal illness, for others it is walking into the dentist’s and for many more those tiny 8 legged creatures can reduce the strongest of people to quivering wrecks. I have even met one person who has a very irrational fear of ginger cake. Imagine having to totally avoid one isle in the supermarket, worse still if ginger cake is on a 3 for 2 deal and displayed on the ends of every isle. I am sure every one of us has an Achilles heel.
I am sure many of you have had a little snigger about the ginger cake phobia, It is an amusing tale that highlights the issue of fear. Fear however, is a serious matter and some people face a daily struggle or other associated issues.
I was 28 when I learned to ride a bike. My fear of falling off preventing me joining my friends through my childhood years, but when old enough to rationalise the fear, it was no longer fear but embarrassment that limited me. I became overly concerned about what others would think. We can at times be our own worse enemy, but others can be part of the problem too.
On a recent trip to the beautiful Lake District, we decided to walk the Fairfield Horseshoe. It is a steep ascent and descent at times undulating and stretches for 10.5 miles, an ambitious walk for any fit healthy individual. We met a group of chaps, one of them was clearly new to fell walking and was struggling with the height aspect. We had just had to chamber over a particularly rocky bit. Whilst there was a valley several hundred feet below us, uneven ground beneath our feet and an increased risk of stumbling, even falling, the likelihood of him actually falling off the mountain was near to zero.
For our chap though, he could not rationalise his thoughts and his fear of falling grew. He had sat down and was struggling to stand up. I have experienced this fear myself, usually on more edgy bits of hill, but it can at times be debilitating.
To exacerbate the issue, his mates were being “lads” and ribbing him about it. They did not intend harm, I think they just thought a bit of friendly banter would get him going, not realising that he had progressed from mild fear to having a panic attack. He reached out to us, he said that we looked like we knew what we were doing could he walk with us a little. We stopped and chatted. I discussed breathing with him. We showed empathy as Mr T talked of his own fears and how he’d overcome them. This process normalised his feelings and he was able to carry on with his friends. We did not see him again nor did we see a mountain rescue helicopter so I assume he completed his walk safely.
It is really important to remember that we whilst we may think we know what people are thinking or feeling, we can never fully understand what they are going through because we are not them. We can attempt to walk in their shoes but we will fail. Take a step back, have empathy, ask what support they need and provide only that. Laugh when they laugh.
What seems funny to some is a big deal for others.
I could walk a mile in your shoes, but I already know they’re just as uncomfortable as mine,
let’s walk next to each other instead
Lynda Meyers
Carolyn Trafford is a Creative Life Coach, supporting others in reaching their own goals in a creative way sine 2010. Author of “Don’t Just Dream It – Achieve It!” (A great way to kickstart those goals). This interactive book is available from her online shop: https://carolyntraffordart.ecwid.com/Dont-Just-Dream-It-Achieve-It-Book-p196854491) . She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 20th September 2021 following her first routine screening with the NHS at 51.
Carolyn Trafford
Artist & Creative Coach
07714 216388
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