There’s Nothing Like A Well Turned Down Hem

I want to take this opportunity to remember a lost friend. I’ve had news this week that a very special person has left us. I knew she’d been very ill, however she had been very private about it. I don’t know whether or not she had her own battle with cancer, but whatever it was, I believe she fought her illness for around 2 years. This is someone who supported me through 3 very important years of my life, gave me the confidence that I could create art, told me that my photography was beautiful and just listenned when I was victimised by a bully during my uni course. She was no more than 3 years older than me. She left a legacy with me, one that encourages me to experiement with my art and one that means I will always always use a sketchbook for the development of ideas (those that know, know!). Its a great legacy to leave behind and I wonder if she ever truly know how much she touched the lives of the budding artists she worked with.

For me, since surgery the most painful bit has been the armpit wound where the lymph node has been taken from. It just feels sore. I have some physio exercises to maintain mobility and although these are not difficult for me (I seem to have full movement), my armpit has remained numb. It is common following lymph removal, and sometimes permanent, caused my a stretched or cut nerve during surgery. Immediately after surgery it was almost as though I’d slept on my hand all night, this lessened but left with me a loss of sensensation in my skin ever since.

I feel a sense of loss about these things. Surgery may well remove the threat to my life, however the cancer didn’t leave empty handed, when it leaves it takes a few things with it, not least your dignity at times but it also leaves you with more than just a couple of scars, lasting changes to the way your body looks, feels and acts. It will be many weeks before I know truly the extent of its gifts, but they will clearly be a lasting reminder that the big C came to visit.

When I removed the big dressing (after 5 days) I was relieved that I couldn’t actually see my wounds for steri-tape (I can be a bit squeemish at times especially when its me) but because my armpit is a bendy area (i suspect everyones is) the steritape started to lift quite quickly and I could just make out the end of the wound if I stood on my head in a yoga like pose in front of a full length mirror. Hmmm it kinda looked OK, but this sort of thing panics me a little and I go through all the “what ifs” in my head. I’ve tried to ring the breast care nurses, but they are busy ladies and although this service is excellent, they have a 5 day service standard, so I range my GP to see the practice nurse. It is of course flu jab season and covid booster time.

I managed to secure an appointment with the Nurse Practitionner – a lovely lady, who ripped off the steritape – ouch (yes I’m a wuss but I also have over a week’s growth of armpit hair – one side only you understand, shaving is not a good idea when your armpit is numb). She sterilised the wound, confirmed it all looked OK and before she stuck another dressing on ran her finger up and down the bumps of the sutures. A strange sensation but actually confirmed to me that I am being a wuss and gave me confidence that I am perhaps being a little over cautious and that I can deal with this.

The new dressing can’t stay on, steritape when wet needs padding dry, but the dressing will stay wet and needs to be removed, so on showering I took a look myself. I expected to see raw edges, however as an embroiderer/dressmaker and fan of The Sewing Bee, I was delighting to see a well turned down hem, neatly closing the wound. The slight gap alarmed me slightly, just as a weak hem does on an overstuffed handmade bear. 2 days later on the next inspection I can see that the gap is physically starting to close. It left me debating what stitches my surgeon had used. I think mattress stitch is the common one (the artist in me always favojurs stem stitch but this would not create the neat turned under hem). In the next couple of days I have to face the other wound and I guess all the anxiety will start again.

There’s more – my back has become really sore. I thought at first my sleep bra had rubbed the skin raw, but it looks fine. It took a few hours to realise that the sensation in my armpit is returning. Did the nurse do something magical? It is possible that the nerve damage is repairing and playing havoc with my pain, but this is good news on the whole.

Carolyn Trafford is a Creative Life Coach, supporting others in reaching their own goals in a creative way sine 2010. Author of “Don’t Just Dream It – Achieve It!” (A great way to kickstart those goals). This interactive book is available from her online shop:  https://carolyntraffordart.ecwid.com/Dont-Just-Dream-It-Achieve-It-Book-p196854491) . She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 20th September 2021 following her first routine screening with the NHS at 51.